Everything's therapy?

I've been trying to work out whether every job or significant hobby could be considered therapy and I haven't come up with an answer. I don't suppose it matters. For me, trading is therapy.

Of course, there's more to it than that. It started with the practical, technical process of learning to trade. Then there was the long, slow journey of teaching myself discipline in a situation where I was quite often rewarded for breaking my own rules. Moreover, my most effective rules are the ones that I've chosen or built myself so I can often kid myself that the rule should be changed. Then, there's the problem solving side when I find that I'm banging my head against a wall for months or years, complaining about the headache before I eventually find an effective solution.

At the end of it all, I've got an approach which gives me a pretty good return most years and my drawdowns tend to be small. So what's the problem?

I could do so much better! It's all very well to build discipline but eventually those habits should become second nature so that my trading just flows and frankly, it hasn't flowed easily for a long time. I'm pretty sure that I've got a couple of unconscious motivations which are in conflict with what I think I want. I'm also aware of patterns which I can't seem to change. I'm mostly clear about how I want to trade and spend my working hours but I periodically change my mind and return to unresolved approaches.

Trading raises questions about why I behave the way I do, what is it that I really want, why do I do this job, what drives the self defeating behaviour and plenty more. This is my attempt to figure out some of the answers. I expect to explore different approaches in my usual random ways.